“Psyche” — the moving target

You know, I used to be really, really excited about biking really, really far. And though I’m still really excited about bike adventures, the tenor of those bike adventures has changed a little.

The idea of having a loooooong route that I follow through until its end simply for the sake of following a looooooong route and then being able to say I did it — this is randonneuring style — is not that appealing to me right now. I’ll still do endurance any day (is there anything better than completely physically wiping yourself out?;), but something about already-established routes rankles me.

(even if randonneuring rides have lovely moments, like this bike path along the Clackamas River:)

Fickle? To like one thing so much for a while and then kind of be over it? Maybe, but I like to think of it as the organic evolution of self. I’m always into bike adventure, but in different ways now. I’d rather find someplace I want to go, be it near or far, and discover a fun way there. Or set out with no destination, make the turns that seem appropriate when I get to them, see what I can find, and eventually work my way home again. A route to follow doesn’t excite me.

This may simply be the story of the life of someone who hates routine and starts to get cranky when anything starts to seem like habit. But, again, I like to think of it as an evolution: one things leads to another, and the breadth of experiences widens; life gets richer.

It was still funny to me, though, to discover partway through a 200k ride with a friend, that my heart just wasn’t in it. I was having fun biking, and the roads were nice, but the idea of following the cue sheet for another 60 proscribed miles, fast-ish so I could get home before it was too late, was sort of soul-crushing. So I bailed — and had a super awesome, unstructured, soul-nourishing, winding-road adventure on my way home.

(the elusive sunglassed-stasia, soul-nourished and route-abandoned)

It strikes me, though, that this idea of “psyche,” of excitement about something, is not a formula. Something that’s exciting on one day will not necessarily be exciting on another, and I think that’s a good thing. That’s what keeps us — me, anyway — growing and striving and finding new things.

So here’s to discovering and following your passions, even as doing so takes you on winding, obscure pathways and confuses people in your life when you suddenly seem to not like what you did before. It’s just part of the moving target that keeps you discovering:)